The Jessica Williams Way

A couple of weeks ago I attended a talk by Jessica Williams, a correspondent on the Daily Show. It was a lot of comedy, but she also got serious when bringing up issues like racism and sexism about which she is passionate. She told anecdotes and jokes and recited history and facts, but ultimately it came down to one theme: it's okay to be angry and sad about things going on in the world or in your life, but you can't just "sit" on it; you have to do something about it. She brought this up in the context of how she, as a black female comedian, uses comedy to express her passion regarding issues that affect her as well as the rest of us. 

This was an important message to me. I think all of us who've dealt with BPI can recall a time when we were angry or sad about our limitations or the ways in which we are different from others. And I think it's a choice we have to make whether or not we let that anger and sadness seep into us and take control of our lives. It's neither an easy choice nor a conscious one if we don't recognize it. This blog is an example of how I've chosen to do something about these feelings instead. That doesn't mean that I don't wake up angry or sad every now and then, or that I can conquer it every time I do. But often I find ways to redirect those emotions.  Like I said last time, it's easy to fall into helplessness, but we have to choose a different path. We were dealt brachial plexus injuries and now it's up to us what we do with them. I choose the Jessica Williams way. 

My Presentation Dictates Your Perception

Helplessness is one of the feelings that can be most closely linked to brachial plexus injuries. I have spent much of my life needing to depend on others for physical support due to my shoulder. There are some things I literally cannot do, some things I am powerless to change. It's easy to get stuck on that helplessness, to get stuck in the cycle of "I can't do this and I can't do that," "I can't change anything," "I'm never going to live a normal life," etc. It's easy to forget that there's a lot we can control.

One of those major aspects is how we present our injuries and our attitudes about them. If someone notices my shoulder isn't quite like my other one, and I get really uncomfortable or nervous, the person will perceive it as this big deal, a taboo topic that creates tension in a relationship. If I own it, then they have no choice then to be like "oh wow okay" and move on. In just presenting my attitude as confident, they understand that my BPI is a piece of me but that it does not define me, that it's okay for them to ask questions, but also that because it is a piece of me, they cannot make fun of it just as they wouldn't make fun of someone's acne or crooked teeth.

I know it's easier said than done and by no means have I always been able to do this. It was a long journey to find the confidence I have in my injury and generally in myself, but I'm not sure I could ever define for you which one led to the other. They are equally entwined; I just hope that this revelation I've had may remind you to be comfortable with your shoulder, and in turn yourself.

The point is that we are not helpless. How you present your injury dictates how that person perceives it. It's important to realize that you are often in charge of how big of a deal your brachial plexus injury is in your life. Maybe you will never be able to reach the top shelf with your left arm, but you are responsible for the way in which people react to watching you try.