Posture

This might sound really boring but it's actually been a huge problem for me lately. My posture with my shoulder has slowly gotten worse and worse and I really think it's something major you should focus on as early as possible. I started getting into this bad habit of rolling my shoulders forward and I never really payed much attention to it until recently. It's a natural reaction (even for people without BPI) because it's the body's way of protecting the heart. But in the process, it can cause major issues with your shoulder and those muscles in the front and back of it. I try and make a conscious effort to pull my shoulders back but I rarely remember. I can't really pinpoint why it's so frustrating but it is. I guess because my shoulder's not truly comfortable whether I let it roll forward or make the effort to pull it back. It feels like it's in the transition between the two resting places so neither feels right when I pay attention to it. But that's how I know I need to make the effort to pull it back where it should be. If not, I know it's going to cause major problems later as I stretch the muscles on my back and shrink the ones in front. This was actually brought to light to me by the guy who massages me who I've mentioned before. And he told me that another good way to help with it is to strengthen the muscles with exercises that mimic a rowing motion, where your arms pull back with some weight usually. So I'm going to start doing exercises like that with a stretching band to strengthen and I hope that will help. Also, yoga always really helps with pulling my shoulders back. I think that's why I've been noticing it so much lately (I haven't gone to yoga in a while). I just want you guys to keep this in mind so hopefully you don't get to where I am with the frustration of it or even worse. Just focus on it early so it becomes natural and you won't have to worry about later :)

If you guys have any questions or suggestions about this, I would love to hear from you! Or even about anything else. I've heard that there's been a lot of issues with the contact form and comments on my blog and that they're not coming through. I'm working on fixing it but I want you guys to know that if you've reached out to me and gotten nothing back--I'm not ignoring you! So please keep trying and if I haven't responded or posted your comments, it's only because I'm not getting them. I hope I can get it fixed really soon but until then, keep sending stuff and even if you haven't already, please do! I love hearing from you guys.

Acceptance

 I've talked before about people finding out about your brachial plexus injury. As I said, often people don't find out for a while after first meeting you. Because of this, though they may be surprised, it doesn't change how they feel about you. Everyone has injuries and everyone's bodies are different so people can accept this easily (if they don't, you are spending time with the wrong people). Which is why I'm not going to talk about the acceptance of other people because they should and will accept you for you if they are the right people in your life. What I think is so often harder in any case is for you to accept yourself. Whether it's a brachial plexus injury or anything else, I find that this is too often the major fault in humanity. With double-standards and inequality and judgment everywhere you look, it's hard to be confident in ourselves. People say don't change for anyone but turn around and get mad at others for just being who they are. It's never made sense to me. There are too many contradictions like this that we use or see every day and I think what people need to realize is that no matter how much we wish there was, there is no certain statement that is going to make all of life make sense. Every life, every place, every situation is so incredibly different that it's irrational to look for one simple answer to figure out life. It's too complicated! So stop living by one quote you heard years ago. "Live in the moment" doesn't always apply because sometimes we have to look back to reflect on our mistakes and successes and look forward to prepare for what's to come. So when people tell you not to change, listen but remember that change can be good. And when people tell you that how you are isn't right, you don't have to believe that. You can only be sure that you will always have one thing: yourself. So love her or him and don't ever forget to. Everyone is different so there is absolutely no reason to compare yourself to anyone else. All that matters is that you accept yourself, perfection and imperfections, and then I think everything will fall into place. 

Time

I've never agreed with the saying that "Time heals all." Time so often makes things worse or just doesn't do anything at all. This probably sounds ridiculous coming from a teenager so let me save myself before I lose you all by saying I do know there is truth in the help that Time brings. When something painful occurs, whether physical or mental, it's all you can think about, all you can feel. But with Time, it becomes background noise and new happenings grab your attention. Still, I don't believe that Time heals. Time is more like the band-aid that doesn't do much but cover up the wound for a while. Time never makes wounds go away, it just makes them less important than the new ones always coming in.

Maybe having a brachial plexus injury has made me a bit more pessimistic about Time. Time hasn't healed me and if I don't take care of my shoulder, it will actually make it worse. But this is all ridiculously negative! My left arm was practically paralyzed when I was born. I've grown up to be the monkey bars champion in elementary school, a pitcher in softball, and now a yogi. People no longer ask me why I only pump one arm when I run. I don't have to pass on playing the pattycake hand game anymore because I can't turn my hand over. And most importantly, I've learned the best ways to live with my brachial plexus injury everyday.

I don't give Mother Time credit for all these accomplishments though. I can tell you that Time will make this easier as you grow up, even if only because you will learn to accept yourself and the special ways you do things. But Time won't solve your problems for you. Time will not give you the better range of motion that physical therapy can. Time will not give you the perseverance that is so necessary with these injuries. Time won't heal all. But if you find that perseverance, a band-aid is all you will need :)

Yoga

In my efforts to start this year off right, I went to yoga a few days in a row with my sister before she left to go back to college today. Being on winter break from school, I haven't had much soccer so it was great to get my exercise and spend my last few days with my sister. As I've said before, I've been doing yoga off and on for a while but I haven't in a while because of soccer. The past few days got me thinking though.

The first two days we went to classes by the same teacher who had been my instructor only once before and quite a while ago. He always goes up to everyone before and introduces himself and asks if you have any injuries he should know about. I remembered appreciating that because it saves me from the often confused glances I later receive when the instructor notices me doing a one-handed downward-facing dog. He didn't remember me from the last time I'd been to his class (understandably since it had been months) so he asked my name and I told him about my shoulder injury. He told me what he told me last time and what I've been told many other times, that I need to open my shoulders and squeeze my shoulder blades together behind my back which I've been working on. So the class started and I modified as it went through as I always do but even more this time because me and my sister had accidentally gone to the wrong class, one that was a higher level and often depended on shoulder strength that I obviously don't have. It was hard but I still felt good afterwards and realized that it was actually probably good strengthening for my shoulder. I decided I should maybe push myself to that level more often, even if I have to modify every other pose.

The next day, we went to a different class, not realizing it was with the same instructor. Before the class, he of course came up to me and I reminded him my name but this time he remembered me and my injury from the day before. He told me that he didn't understand the extent of my limitations at the start of class the day before and that he had been very surprised with my ability to modify and use my right shoulder to compensate. He asked more details about my injury and seemed intrigued by the whole thing. He was truly impressed and told me to just keep doing what I was doing. The class was great.

The last day (yesterday), my sister and I went to a stretching class because I was really sore from doing double workouts of soccer and hot yoga the previous two days. In front of me in that class was a girl around my age who was clearly an athlete. As the class went on, I realized that months ago I looked exactly like her when I was just starting to try yoga. I have learned that yoga is really about the little things you adjust: the alignment of your hips or the curling of your toes or the bend in your knees or the deep inhales and exhales of your breath. As an athlete, when I started yoga I didn't know this and in the poses we flowed through, I would try and get the furthest I could, not realizing that I should have been focusing on these little adjustments instead of trying to get my forehead all the way to my yoga mat or twist my body all the way to the side. I saw exactly that in the girl in front of me and I looked in the mirror at myself and saw the transformation I had made. And I remembered how impressed the instructor from the day before had been and how when I was in his class months ago, he clearly wasn't. I haven't become a yoga master or gone every day or accomplished anything major, but seeing that transformation in the mirror yesterday was just enough. For once, I had beaten the odds against my brachial plexus injury.

A New Year

2013 is almost over, making these few days a time to reflect on the past year and move on and look forward to the next one. Everyone always looks back and says it's been a crazy year. Which is true. Every year is and has been and will be in its own crazy way. But I think, though it can be hard, the end of the year is a time to look forward rather than look back because looking back often holds us back too. This year is ending and that's that. It has been what it will always be and what we must focus on is the year to come and how we can make it better than this last one.

I haven't really thought about this next year much besides the stress of the end of this semester and then AP tests and then the end of the school year and the hopefully blast of a summer that will follow. But what I think people so often forget to think about for the next coming year are the little things. We resolve to eat better and exercise more and work harder and be a better person but these are all big concepts that are built up by the little ones. What will we eat? How will we motivate ourselves to get out and exercise? What type of exercise? What aspects of our work or school work will we try to improve upon and how will we do it? And finally how do we plan to be better people? We can always be better and there are often too many aspects to improve upon so which small actions will we take to better ourselves and our surroundings as a result? We have to find these answers so we can build up to our big resolutions. We can't start this new year with these big ideas in our heads and expect everything to work out. This is why so many New Year's Resolutions fail to become a reality. The details are always what matter in the end.

I hope all of you find successful New Year's Resolutions and plans to make them true. One of my resolutions counts on all of you who read this blog. When I started, I hoped to reach out to many people and hear back from them in return. I'm resolving to work harder to reach out to all of you but I can't really do that without your help. Please feel free to comment on anything on this blog or message me privately on the right. I'm open to any suggestions or questions and I truly hope that I can help even just one person. That's my resolution so I hope you can all help me make it a reality. I would love to hear from every one of you. It's a new year with new opportunities and I hope it's a great one for you all. 

Scars

The lovely reminder that always comes with surgery. Scars. I have 2 scars on my left shoulder; one on the front above my armpit and another in my armpit that extends to the back of my shoulder. They've faded a decent amount in the 11 years since my surgery but they're definitely still there and noticeable. They're only visible in certain tank tops or of course in a swimsuit or strapless shirts or dresses. I used to avoid wearing those types of tops because people would always ask about the scars and I hated getting into the whole complicated story just because I wanted to wear a certain tank top. It was even worse when they would just stare at it too afraid to say anything. It wasn't worth it. So I didn't wear them and when I had to I would try to cover my shoulder with my hair, etc. But after a while it didn't bother me anymore and I stopped caring what scars showed when I wore certain things. People could ask and people could stare but if I wanted to wear a strapless dress, I would. I started to forget about the scars and stopped worrying every time I picked out a shirt in the morning. It didn't matter anymore. I realized I was proud of my scars. Barely anyone I knew had ever had surgery and I was proud that I had scars to show my strength through mine. Because everyone thinks that scars show weakness but it's the exact opposite. By definition, scars are your body healing itself. My scars show how my body has fought to heal. It's fought to repair and make my life just a little better through the adjustment of my shoulder. My scars show my body's strength and since I realized that, I've never been ashamed of them again. 

Community Day

This week at my school we had something called Community Day. My school is known for being a non-traditional high school and a very accepting community and recently many people have complained that that atmosphere is disappearing. Because of this, they fought to bring back Community Day which they've had at my school years ago. It's a day to reflect on the special community our school has and to recognize its issues that we need to work to resolve. We have a couple assemblies and we do activities with one of our classes. The activities really remind you that you're not alone in whatever you're struggling with and that you have a lot in common with people you never thought you would. We did an activity called "Cross the Line" which is in Freedom Writers if anyone's seen that movie or read the book. There's a line of duct tape across the classroom and there's a facilitator that reads a statement and if the statement applies to you, you cross over to the other side of the line. Then everyone goes back to the same side of the line and a new statement is read and so on. With many of the statements, it's extremely surprising how many people cross the line, with or without you. For me, it was a huge reminder that everyone has skeletons in their closets and that it can be really hard to show them to people but most are braver than you think and will open up. It shocked me because I've never been one to open up to people. I was really proud of everyone in my class during that activity as I watched people cross over for some painful things, even if they were alone at first (not one statement was read where only one person crossed over). Community Day overall just reminded me that no one's alone. You'd be surprised how many people are going through something similar or feel something similar that you're feeling right now. If your brachial plexus injury is your struggle, that's hard to believe because the world isn't exactly full of us. But as unfortunate as it is, something else I learned on Community Day is how few people are happy with their bodies or the way they look or their abilities. Though people might not know exactly what it's like living with a brachial plexus injury, most people know what it feels like to feel inadequate or different or unable to do something that someone else can. So remember that people are always there for you and will understand. And remember to be there for other people as well. Your advice or hug or listening ear could mean the world to someone and you'd be surprised how willing people are to open up to you if you show them you're willing to listen. It's a two-way street.