You're in Control

Some of the best advice my dad ever gave me is that no one else determines how you feel. You and only you are in charge of your emotions and that's that. It is up to you how you allow other people's words and actions to affect you. That's a choice. Now that might sound crazy. It did to me. I was in seventh grade when I heard it and I didn't believe it. I thought, when people say things to me, it automatically sparks a reaction in me without a conscious decision. And that's true. And especially in middle school, those reactions are hard to change or get rid of because for some reason they decided to make an entirely different school level for the worst age group so that they create a totally warped concept of reality for themselves. I'm sure there are reasons but I just don't see how it could possibly be a good idea. Kids are nasty in middle school. Insecurities control you and they drive people to exploit everyone else's to avoid attention to their own or dealing with their own. So when this situation is at its height, you can imagine how I couldn't really comprehend the idea that I controlled my own emotions. It just didn't seem plausible when I was immersed in this. Because that's truly what middle school is. There are no specific scenarios that occur. It's literally just this feeling because you're separated from reality so everyone is just so different. So how was I supposed to control how I felt? Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else, but that's how I would describe it.

But I started to think about it...that I had control over how I feel and no one else. And I honestly think it's what got me through middle school with my head held high. Now, I'm not saying I was suddenly above all the horribleness of middle school. I got caught up in it all just like everyone else but I came out of it a better person I think. Because within me I knew that what people thought or said about me didn't matter as long as I was happy. And as cheesy as it sounds, it's true. This is your life and no one else's so they are your feelings and no one else's. Your choice and your decision.

I think this idea applies really well to how I live with my brachial plexus injury. People can say what they want to me about it, they can look at me funny for it, but I stopped letting it affect me. I am my brachial plexus injury and I honestly think it's the one thing about myself that I actually accept the most. I was born with it and it will always be a part of me so let them talk and let them stare, this is me and I'm okay with that.

I think lately I've lost sight of the gradual growth I had after that advice though. Not necessarily with my brachial plexus injury but just with myself in general. High school is hard just like middle school and the rest of life will be too and everybody loses sight of the control they have over their own emotions. Sometimes we just have to take a breath and remember it...remember that we're in charge.