We Don't Always Need a Pat on the Back

"Oh that's nice, you can play soccer because it's a sport that doesn't require your arm! Well as long as you don't play goalie... *har har har*"

I guess this is a statement designed to make me feel happy that I can be normal and play a sport? But to anyone reading this who is the friend, aunt, boyfriend, or even stranger to someone with BPI: please don't say this or really anything like it.

Yes, we want to feel normal but giving me a big pat on the back for being able to do something that isn't even affected by my injury isn't really all that rewarding. Don't give in to the stigma that my life is always dictated by it. And actually, arms aren't only for goalies in soccer! There do happen to be throw-ins just about every minute. And when you play feisty teams, arms are pretty important to defend yourself when fighting for the ball. Especially the shoulder. Oh and running! It's not all in the legs. My left arm and even my back is just as sore as my thighs the day after a game because pumping my arms to keep up with everyone else doesn't come so easy. So yes, thank you, it is nice I can play soccer. But not because it lets me avoid my injury. I played both basketball and softball for a long time and I don't think there's any arguments there that those sports require no arm strength. I play soccer because I like it and I'll have you know that I had a diving save on a penalty kick on my rec team a few years ago...so yeah I could play goalie if I wanted.

Don't Tell Me What I Can't Do

For any fans out there of TV show Lost, you probably recognize this title. John Locke, bound to a wheelchair after an unfortunate accident, was often seen shouting it at people. John was tired of being told he couldn't do things when he felt overwhelmingly like he still could. I think we all feel a little like Mr. Locke sometimes. Growing up with a brachial plexus injury is a lot of people telling you that you can't do this or that. I know it's driven me to absolutely hate when anyone tells me what to do, what not to do, or how to do it. I resent anyone who tries to take control of my life because I feel like my childhood had enough of that. But life is full of people telling you what to do. From bosses to family to the government, we are bound by certain rules just like John's wheelchair and my BPI and as much as I believe we should make our own decisions, I've realized that I'm not a little girl anymore and taking advice from someone doesn't mean giving up control of my life. It means growing up and recognizing I don't always know best. So when someone tells you what you can't do, smile and ask them to help you figure out what you can. 

GOAL

Reminder: little victories are always the most gratifying. From sleeping an extra fifteen minutes to cleaning your room to finishing a math assignment or painting your nails nicely, these are the mini conquests that determine a day is a good one. Today my little victory was actually a piece of a big defeat. A goal in my soccer game. Now let me start by saying my team isn't very good. I was looking for fun in place of competitiveness this year but it's really only given me chronic frustration. But today there was a miracle: a goal. From my very own head! The giddiness lasted through halftime when the club's director dubbed it the prettiest goal of the year from any of the club's teams. After laughing when I pointed out that was a good thing considering it was one of less than few for us, we headed back on the field. Within minutes, the high was over and we left with a 3-1 loss. And it would be an understatement to say my frustration had returned. But oh well. I scored the prettiest goal of our entire club and I'm choosing to be happy about that now, just as I choose to let my left arm's little victories make my day. Turning the steering wheel with just my left hand or picking up my pencil with it or giving a high-five or eating or waving or typing. My big defeat is its everlasting lack of normalcy but my mini conquests are beyond enough to get me through each day with a smile on my face. 

Fitting In

I got a question this week about dealing with fitting in and I realized it was a really good topic that I haven't fully covered. Fitting in is something everyone deals with. With BPI, it can be a lot more difficult. It's hard for us to be cheerleaders, athletes, dancers, students, let alone just look normal walking around and that makes fitting in a daunting task. But I think what's important to remember is that those that try the hardest to fit in create the worse situations for themselves. Sure, it's pretty hard to live in this world when you don't fit in but it's even harder when a fake version of yourself fits in. As I've said before, your injury doesn't define you so don't let it. Nobody's normal. You are as abnormal as the kid who sits next to you in science or the head cheerleader or the president of your class. Nobody really fits in. So stop trying! I know I tried for a very long time to fit in with a group of people that was very different from me. I can tell you that it isn't any fun. But when I realized that, I spent some time on my own and as cheesy as it is, it really helped me figure out what kind of person I am. Then I was able to meet new people who I did fit with. I'm not saying what I did was easy because it was far from it, but in the end I'm so much happier with myself. So don't try to fit in. Be yourself (and it's totally okay if you don't know who that it is yet, just do what makes you happy) and you will find the right people. You will find the ones that make you smile all day long, the ones who don't care about your arm, the ones who support you. No one fits in with everyone so please please please don't try. It's absolutely no fun. Besides, no one can deal with that many people. If it's a good one, one friend can be plenty and there is nothing wrong with that.

I love hearing from you guys, please shoot me a message if you have any questions, suggestions, or just want to talk :) Have a good week everyone!