A New Year

2013 is almost over, making these few days a time to reflect on the past year and move on and look forward to the next one. Everyone always looks back and says it's been a crazy year. Which is true. Every year is and has been and will be in its own crazy way. But I think, though it can be hard, the end of the year is a time to look forward rather than look back because looking back often holds us back too. This year is ending and that's that. It has been what it will always be and what we must focus on is the year to come and how we can make it better than this last one.

I haven't really thought about this next year much besides the stress of the end of this semester and then AP tests and then the end of the school year and the hopefully blast of a summer that will follow. But what I think people so often forget to think about for the next coming year are the little things. We resolve to eat better and exercise more and work harder and be a better person but these are all big concepts that are built up by the little ones. What will we eat? How will we motivate ourselves to get out and exercise? What type of exercise? What aspects of our work or school work will we try to improve upon and how will we do it? And finally how do we plan to be better people? We can always be better and there are often too many aspects to improve upon so which small actions will we take to better ourselves and our surroundings as a result? We have to find these answers so we can build up to our big resolutions. We can't start this new year with these big ideas in our heads and expect everything to work out. This is why so many New Year's Resolutions fail to become a reality. The details are always what matter in the end.

I hope all of you find successful New Year's Resolutions and plans to make them true. One of my resolutions counts on all of you who read this blog. When I started, I hoped to reach out to many people and hear back from them in return. I'm resolving to work harder to reach out to all of you but I can't really do that without your help. Please feel free to comment on anything on this blog or message me privately on the right. I'm open to any suggestions or questions and I truly hope that I can help even just one person. That's my resolution so I hope you can all help me make it a reality. I would love to hear from every one of you. It's a new year with new opportunities and I hope it's a great one for you all. 

Scars

The lovely reminder that always comes with surgery. Scars. I have 2 scars on my left shoulder; one on the front above my armpit and another in my armpit that extends to the back of my shoulder. They've faded a decent amount in the 11 years since my surgery but they're definitely still there and noticeable. They're only visible in certain tank tops or of course in a swimsuit or strapless shirts or dresses. I used to avoid wearing those types of tops because people would always ask about the scars and I hated getting into the whole complicated story just because I wanted to wear a certain tank top. It was even worse when they would just stare at it too afraid to say anything. It wasn't worth it. So I didn't wear them and when I had to I would try to cover my shoulder with my hair, etc. But after a while it didn't bother me anymore and I stopped caring what scars showed when I wore certain things. People could ask and people could stare but if I wanted to wear a strapless dress, I would. I started to forget about the scars and stopped worrying every time I picked out a shirt in the morning. It didn't matter anymore. I realized I was proud of my scars. Barely anyone I knew had ever had surgery and I was proud that I had scars to show my strength through mine. Because everyone thinks that scars show weakness but it's the exact opposite. By definition, scars are your body healing itself. My scars show how my body has fought to heal. It's fought to repair and make my life just a little better through the adjustment of my shoulder. My scars show my body's strength and since I realized that, I've never been ashamed of them again. 

Community Day

This week at my school we had something called Community Day. My school is known for being a non-traditional high school and a very accepting community and recently many people have complained that that atmosphere is disappearing. Because of this, they fought to bring back Community Day which they've had at my school years ago. It's a day to reflect on the special community our school has and to recognize its issues that we need to work to resolve. We have a couple assemblies and we do activities with one of our classes. The activities really remind you that you're not alone in whatever you're struggling with and that you have a lot in common with people you never thought you would. We did an activity called "Cross the Line" which is in Freedom Writers if anyone's seen that movie or read the book. There's a line of duct tape across the classroom and there's a facilitator that reads a statement and if the statement applies to you, you cross over to the other side of the line. Then everyone goes back to the same side of the line and a new statement is read and so on. With many of the statements, it's extremely surprising how many people cross the line, with or without you. For me, it was a huge reminder that everyone has skeletons in their closets and that it can be really hard to show them to people but most are braver than you think and will open up. It shocked me because I've never been one to open up to people. I was really proud of everyone in my class during that activity as I watched people cross over for some painful things, even if they were alone at first (not one statement was read where only one person crossed over). Community Day overall just reminded me that no one's alone. You'd be surprised how many people are going through something similar or feel something similar that you're feeling right now. If your brachial plexus injury is your struggle, that's hard to believe because the world isn't exactly full of us. But as unfortunate as it is, something else I learned on Community Day is how few people are happy with their bodies or the way they look or their abilities. Though people might not know exactly what it's like living with a brachial plexus injury, most people know what it feels like to feel inadequate or different or unable to do something that someone else can. So remember that people are always there for you and will understand. And remember to be there for other people as well. Your advice or hug or listening ear could mean the world to someone and you'd be surprised how willing people are to open up to you if you show them you're willing to listen. It's a two-way street. 

You're in Control

Some of the best advice my dad ever gave me is that no one else determines how you feel. You and only you are in charge of your emotions and that's that. It is up to you how you allow other people's words and actions to affect you. That's a choice. Now that might sound crazy. It did to me. I was in seventh grade when I heard it and I didn't believe it. I thought, when people say things to me, it automatically sparks a reaction in me without a conscious decision. And that's true. And especially in middle school, those reactions are hard to change or get rid of because for some reason they decided to make an entirely different school level for the worst age group so that they create a totally warped concept of reality for themselves. I'm sure there are reasons but I just don't see how it could possibly be a good idea. Kids are nasty in middle school. Insecurities control you and they drive people to exploit everyone else's to avoid attention to their own or dealing with their own. So when this situation is at its height, you can imagine how I couldn't really comprehend the idea that I controlled my own emotions. It just didn't seem plausible when I was immersed in this. Because that's truly what middle school is. There are no specific scenarios that occur. It's literally just this feeling because you're separated from reality so everyone is just so different. So how was I supposed to control how I felt? Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else, but that's how I would describe it.

But I started to think about it...that I had control over how I feel and no one else. And I honestly think it's what got me through middle school with my head held high. Now, I'm not saying I was suddenly above all the horribleness of middle school. I got caught up in it all just like everyone else but I came out of it a better person I think. Because within me I knew that what people thought or said about me didn't matter as long as I was happy. And as cheesy as it sounds, it's true. This is your life and no one else's so they are your feelings and no one else's. Your choice and your decision.

I think this idea applies really well to how I live with my brachial plexus injury. People can say what they want to me about it, they can look at me funny for it, but I stopped letting it affect me. I am my brachial plexus injury and I honestly think it's the one thing about myself that I actually accept the most. I was born with it and it will always be a part of me so let them talk and let them stare, this is me and I'm okay with that.

I think lately I've lost sight of the gradual growth I had after that advice though. Not necessarily with my brachial plexus injury but just with myself in general. High school is hard just like middle school and the rest of life will be too and everybody loses sight of the control they have over their own emotions. Sometimes we just have to take a breath and remember it...remember that we're in charge.

Explaining

When you meet anyone, there always comes the time when something happens that forces you to explain what's up with your arm. Sometimes it's literally how you meet them if that's the first thing they notice and ask you. With other people it can take months or even years, depending on the extent of your injury. I've had friends I've known since elementary school all of a sudden be like "....what?" Usually I just laugh in those situations, surprised it took so long for such a big part of my life to come up. But depending on how you know the person and what you do together and how much time you spend together, it might take a very long time to come up. And that's just fine. In fact, sometimes it's great when someone just sees me as a whole, normal body. Then again, it's kinda refreshing to start off a relationship with someone by just getting that out there so the awkward "How come you never told me?!" doesn't occur.

No matter what, it usually comes up somehow. For me, people notice my scar from surgery or they ask me to do something that's not exactly possible with my brachial plexus injury like flip over my hand or raise my arm above my head. In sports, people would always notice cause I used to run with my arm just glued to my side like it was in a sling. Sometimes I saw the inevitable question coming from a million miles away and I'd explain before they could even form the question. Others, I wouldn't even notice that it had suddenly become obvious and the question would catch me by surprise. Still, it's never exactly a shocking question when you've heard it hundreds of times: "What's wrong with your arm...?"

Then comes the question in your head about how to respond. It's become an instantaneous reaction for me, barely even a conscious thought. Of course, I don't always say the same thing depending on the person and the situation but even that decision has become instantaneous. It's like how you don't talk to your parents the same way you talk to your friends, it's not a conscious decision you make every time you open your mouth, it's pretty natural. My response can range from "It's a long story" to "I have a shoulder injury from when I was born" to "A nerve ripped in my shoulder when..." and go through the whole scientific story and how it happened when I was born and everything. I'm not gonna say the same thing to the girl on my soccer team who asks in the middle of the game as I do to my best friend.

I'm usually pretty open about explaining my brachial plexus injury but you don't have to be. You have no obligation to explain it to anyone. No matter what, it doesn't dictate who you are or the relationships you have with people. You decide the story you tell and how much you tell, but in my experience, I think it's always good to just be honest and get it all out in a way that isn't confusing for the other person but so that it tells enough to explain. And it's been my experience that if you say it confidently and brush it off, they often don't bring it up again or ask many more questions. That's how I like it to be but when you are presented with the opportunity to explain your brachial plexus injury, choose your words wisely based on what you want that person to understand. It's always your choice and remember that when someone asks, they're just genuinely curious like you are when you simply ask how your cousin broke his leg.

Massage

I haven't done physical therapy in a long time but my mom always makes sure I'm paying attention to my shoulder and doing something to keep it stretched and strong. Like I've said, yoga is one thing I do a lot to help open up my shoulder and build its strength. There are also certain stretches I try to do often that help. It's important to be aware of what I'm doing with my shoulder because brachial plexus injuries often cause pain or problems when you're older and that is one thing I'm sure I don't want. As unmotivated as I am most of the time to do anything for my shoulder, I know I have to. I've become accustomed to my shoulder how it is but if ignoring it means issues when I'm older, I'm willing to give it a little extra attention every now and then to avoid that.

The main action I take for my shoulder is massage. It's not just any ordinary sort of massage and it's not for everyone but I just want to share my experience with it. A while back my mom found a lady who did shiatsu massage and I did that for a while. I don't know a lot about it but I knew that I felt great afterwards and she was very confident in the progress I was making. She ended up moving away and my mom couldn't find anyone else similar so we kind of forgot about it for a while.

Eventually, a long-time friend of my family's who is a masseuse offered to help me. He did a lot of research on brachial plexus injuries and he knows an extensive amount about the body so even before my first massage, he knew what he was looking for and what he was going to try and do to improve my shoulder's comfort. Once again, I found that the massages felt great and my shoulder seemed looser after. He's been giving me massages for a few years now and he's done a lot for my shoulder. He's also given me stretches to do and suggestions for activities that could further improve my shoulder's condition.

Overall, massage has made my shoulder feel better and has also made me more conscious of how I am treating it. I'm confident that my shoulder would be in a much worse state without it and I would be much less aware of how it is doing. He always explains to me what he's doing and what's going on with my shoulder. It's given me a greater understanding of my arm's abilities, limitations, and improvements. Even if it's not massage, I believe it's really important that people are very conscious of their brachial plexus injuries so that they can prevent future (as well as current) discomfort.

The Little Things

Every day you wake up and get dressed and shower and eat breakfast and brush your teeth and do your hair and gather your stuff for school. But maybe your mom helps you get your shirt over your head or one side of your hair doesn't get shampooed very well because it's hard to reach and then your ponytail ends up on the side of your head for the same reason. Or maybe you add in some stretches for your shoulder every morning or you carry your backpack on one shoulder because it makes your other one sore. Or you have to ask your dad to reach the cereal because you already have the milk in your right hand and your left arm can't quite make it. Or maybe you do all of these things and more I haven't stated or maybe you do none of them or maybe your morning is completely different because you've changed it around to work for your brachial plexus injury. No matter what, I'm sure that every day you wake up and can't escape the changes you have to make with the little things.

Growing up, my mom would have to do my hair and dress me every day. I couldn't get my left arm up enough to do either. Showering was a pretty much one-handed struggle. I had to and still have to constantly ask for help with one little thing after another. It's hard. Asking for help can be really hard. Everyone is raised to be an independent person and when you have to constantly ask people around you to do a simple little thing that everyone else can do, it's a bit of a defeated feeling. Guaranteed, when you're little, you need help from teachers or parents or whoever a lot of the time anyways. They're always right by you and helping you before you even ask, no matter if you have a brachial plexus injury or not. But as you get older, asking for help seems more and more childish and less and less normal.

Through physical therapy and my surgery, my arm became stronger and more useful as I grew up and as it did, I learned altered ways to do my little things. They weren't always normal but I tried to figure out ways to do them on my own because that helped me feel better about myself. My ponytails were often slightly on the side of my head and I had to tilt my head to shampoo in the shower and I would need to put the milk down so I could reach the cereal with my good arm. I had to put bras and shirts on a little differently and I usually carry a purse on my right shoulder to keep from straining my left. But I could do it. Most little things I could compensate and figure it out. Of course I need help many days or people look at me funny when I do things differently but that's okay with me.

Now, I understand that your morning probably looks a lot different than mine and everyone's brachial plexus injury allows that they can and can't do different things. But I think as you get older you'll see that there is often a way that will work for you to braid your own hair or put on your favorite sweatshirt by yourself. And I'm always open to any questions about how I do that or how I think you could. But even if you can't do a lot of things by yourself, it's okay. Asking for help is not weak or embarrassing, it's brave. I know it's hard but I can say that most people are happy to help. Most people will think nothing different of you, so you should think nothing different of yourself. We're raised to be independent but there are rarely big things in life that we accomplish alone. Famously successful people did not get there by themselves. So if you start asking for help with the little things now, you just might be even more successful when you get to the big ones.

Sports

Sports are amazing for so many reasons. You get great exercise, meet new people, find strengths you never knew you had, feel like a part of something, take a break from the day, feel accomplished, and with a brachial plexus injury, find something you can do just as well or better than everyone else for once. I've slowed down with sports recently, quitting softball and only playing soccer on the high school team, but that doesn't mean they weren't invaluable to me growing up or even still now. At an age where time and energy are endless, sports are the perfect activities to start young. And with my BPI, they made sure I felt normal sometimes.

I played basketball from third through fifth grade, softball second through ninth, and soccer ever since I was four. Of course I tried other sports here and there but partially due to my BPI, these are the ones that stuck. That might sound weird considering basketball and softball are both pretty much sports you play all with your arms, but I figured out my own ways and made it work with those two because I liked them. I didn't quit either for any reason related to my BPI. I wasn't very fond of the uniforms in basketball and it seemed more of my brother's sport than mine so I let him have that spotlight. I lost interest in softball mostly because of the environment it creates because of the people involved including coaches, parents (if you ever really want to get to know someone, go to his/her daughter's softball game...that's when the truly crazy side comes out), and players. It's kinda sad cause I did enjoy it but I don't miss it much.

Soccer has always been my sport I think. I've played it the longest and enjoyed it the most. It is convenient that since I'm not a goalie, my BPI doesn't affect my performance at all besides throw-ins (which I do a pretty good job at avoiding) but I like to think it's mainly a coincidence that soccer's what I've ended up with. I never chose or stuck with it for that reason, I just love soccer because it's soccer. And I think that's how it should be. Through soccer, I've met great people, made great memories, and felt great about myself. And I think those are all insanely important things to have in your life.

Don't choose a sport because it's easiest for you or you're best at it or your parents want you to do it or it's what your friends play or anything like that. Don't let your BPI choose your life. So what if you love volleyball but you're not very good at it because of your brachial plexus injury? You can have even more fun than the varsity girls by playing at a rec level and I guarantee you'll meet super fun people. There are always ways to compensate or change things around so you can be happy doing what you love even if you're not ending up in the Olympics. Granted, I've never been a very competitive person but honestly I see no reason for you to waste these amazing years of your life being unhappy because you think you're being forced into only running track when in less than twenty years you're gonna have a job that leaves you only running every now and then for fun anyways. You have to start the fun now whether that means starting varsity football all day every day or rec soccer once a week! Choose what's best for you and makes you happiest, not the sport that everyone else is telling you will be the only one that works. I think, with an open mind, everyone should at least try sports because they can only bring you amazing opportunities and amazing people.

Friends

I've never really had a friend with a BPI or anything like that and sometimes that can be hard. Most people, especially kids, don't understand what it really is and even if they do, no one except the people with brachial plexus injuries really get what our lives are like. Most people I know don't even know about my BPI and the ones that do often forget. I've explained it to my closest friends but it still doesn't really make sense to them and I get that. It must be difficult to imagine what it's like to live without two arms that have nearly equal ability because they've never known anything different. But I do.

Sometimes it's really hard to live knowing how different I am and how much harder so much is for me just because my doctor messed up when I was born. It's hard to look at my parents and my friends and my teachers and my cousins and wonder what that feels like to freely lift both their arms over their heads, to easily reach for something with both their hands, to stretch their arms behind them. And no one really gets it. No one gets how much it hurts sometimes to know my life isn't normal and never will be and to know that I'll never know what all that normal-ness really feels like.

It's not easy to talk about this with people like my friends and family who don't feel the same way. But what I do know is that they will listen if I need them to and even if they don't really get it, they understand how much it might hurt just based on the fact that they can't even imagine it. I think knowing someone and having someone to talk to who mostly understands the feelings that this life provokes can be really helpful. I wish I had established that relationship with someone with a brachial plexus injury also when I was growing up and I encourage anyone to do so.

I'm not very good at sharing my feelings so my friends have no idea that it can be hard for me. Sometimes they laugh when I do something differently or my friend will accidentally hurt my arm by grabbing it in the wrong way. I always laugh it off and try not to let it bother me but there are definitely days where it does. That's when a friend who understands what I'm going through could be really essential. Even if you don't have someone like that, I hope you all have family or other friends that you can turn to. Don't let the fact that you're different scare you into turning into yourself about this and not turning to someone else. Let somebody listen to you. I guarantee that someone will and sometimes that's all anyone needs, someone to listen. And I hope that anyone reading this knows that I am here to be that listener too.

Surgery

BPI's can often be improved with different surgeries, and for that, we are lucky. I've had one surgery on my shoulder. I was in kindergarten when I had a tendon transfer to improve my range of motion and just overall function of my left arm. That surgery is one of my very first memories. Now, this story isn't meant to scare you. I want to show how it can be very frightening if everyone doesn't approach it in the right way, but ultimately it is a very simple situation with no reason to be afraid. The memory is pretty foggy but there are parts that I remember clear as day.

I remember sitting in the waiting room with my mom and one of the nurses and the nurse kept talking to me like I was a baby who had no idea what was going on. She would lie and embellish what they were going to do to my arm and I knew she wasn't telling the truth, and that's what ultimately scared me. Until then, I was fine. And just as the panic was setting in, she crouched down and murmured in a baby voice, "I'm gonna take your mom to get changed really quick okay we'll be right back." That's when I lost it. I wouldn't let them take my mom away from me for one second. Finally my mom escaped and quickly returned in a nurse gown and cap and everything. I remember not being able to let go of her after that.

 Finally, another nurse came out and she had this little dollhouse with a doll that acted as the patient and she showed me what was going to happen to me on the doll. That's when I calmed down. Now that I knew what was happening and that no one was deceiving me, I was fine once more. It relaxed me immensely. Well, for a little at least.

When it finally came time, they brought me into the operating room and put me on this metal table where they had to put the anesthesia mask on me so I would fall asleep. Once again, I freaked out. It took multiple nurses to hold down my writhing enough so I could take a breath from the mask. The next thing I remember is waking up with a giant cast on my arm that was held up by a wooden pole attached to another cast around my waist in order to keep my arm up. It was over, and I was okay again.

I was 5 years old and for that reason, yes, it was a little scary. What kept me sane, though, was having my mom with me and knowing she wouldn't let anything bad happen to me. Even more, the nurse who was honest with me halted my nerves because I knew that there was nothing to be afraid of once I knew exactly what was going to happen and that everyone was on the same page. After the surgery, my mom made sure that I felt incredibly proud of myself for getting through it. We made the wooden pole into a giraffe's neck and that always gave me something to smile at. When I returned to school, my whole class had written me cards and gave me a giant stuffed bunny. I felt really special knowing that I had been so strong by getting through my surgery and that I had such an amazing support system.

The surgery improved the limitations of my shoulder, especially with physical therapy. My arm is still very limited and my mom and I have been looking into further ones that might help but so far, we haven't found anything we're confident in. If you aren't ready or prepared or comfortable with anything regarding the surgery, figure that out first. No matter how old you are, surgery can be terrifying and the only way to avoid that is by first making sure you are fully prepared for the journey ahead.

Daily Activities

My PE teacher tells everyone to put their arms over their heads. I have to reach to hand a pencil to my friend in class. Someone goes in for a high-five. Putting my hair up for soccer. Just a few of the daily activities that no one thinks twice about. Except for me. Just a few things that are difficult or uncomfortable or awkward or potentially embarrassing. Some activities that spark the questions..."um...what's wrong with your arm?"

And they're things I must do everyday. No one realizes how much I have to compensate. How much harder it is for me to shake your hand with my left hand. No one even gives it a thought because they can't imagine having to alter their lives just to experience daily functions. I've spent my whole life figuring out how to adjust and how to hide it. I hate answering the questions. It's hard and it's repetitive and sometimes painful to see people's responses to the answers.

It's a completely different idea when you have an injury that affects your simple daily life than having one that you can work around and only really affects you every once in a while in specific activities. I deal with this every day. Every day I am reminded that I'm not normal, that I'm different, that a lot of stuff will always be harder for me. Sometimes it's things I don't even notice anymore, like putting my hair in a ponytail. Other times, like when I reach to hand my classmate a pencil, it makes me cringe because it means someone else notices and I have to answer the dreaded questions and avoid the confused looks.

I really try not to have a negative outlook on all of this but sometimes it feels inevitable. Other times I'm really proud of myself for figuring out a special way to do something new or when I stop and realize how different I've been doing something than my friends are (like putting my hair up) but still getting the same results. That's the feeling I love. Because most everyday activities are possible for us, it just might take a few tries and some extra practice with a strange strategy. Don't ever think of a different way as any worse because it just means you worked that much harder, making the result that much sweeter :)

P.S. Please contact me on the side of my blog if you have any questions about specific daily activities or anything else! I'd love to hear from you all!

When People Tell You "No"

BPI's have significant consequences that often stop us from being able to do things we want or even just things everyone can easily do. I've spent much of my life being told "no" or "stop" or "you can't do that." At times, I understand and I accept that it's something I simply cannot do because of the way I was born. On occasion, but less often as I've gotten older, I realize it's something I can't do, but I still can't help but resent how different my life has been because of my BPI and I get pretty upset. But even more often, when people tell me I can't do something, I deny it. I keep trying and tell myself I don't have to let my complicated birth stop me from leading a normal life of doing normal things.

An example of this most frequent reaction occurred just a few weeks ago. I do a lot of yoga (it's good for my shoulder!) and one day I was at a yoga class with an instructor I've never had before. She could see that I had a shoulder injury, and during a pose that was visibly difficult for me because of it, she came over and told me to just stop, that it was too much for my shoulder and I should just do something else. This really upset me. She had no idea what was wrong with my arm, yet she talked to me like she was the only one who knew what was best for it. I have been to dozens of yoga classes and had plenty of difficulty because of my shoulder, and I've learned to adjust myself when I need to. All my life, people have talked to me like they know what's best for my shoulder and I've never understood why no one gave me the responsibility myself to figure out what's right for me. If I'm the one with the hurt shoulder, shouldn't I be the one to decide when it's too much in yoga? So, I sat there for a little bit and then I realized this. She had no idea what I could and couldn't do. I would not sit there and just accept that I needed to stop when I myself knew that I was doing just fine. Sure, it was a little hard on my shoulder, but that's why I go to yoga. To work the shoulder that I rarely use otherwise. She didn't know this. I did, and therefore, it was my decision. So I got up and continued the practice. And I felt great afterwards.

Now, I realize that this can be a dangerous approach in certain situations. If you're hurting your arm and trying to do something that's just not possible right now, you should stop. But often I think we need to just listen to our own bodies and make our own decisions. We are the ones who will always live with our BPI's. I don't always deny people's help or suggestions or deny that I can't do something. Because I know that there will always be things I will have to sit out and people who will be able to help me make that decision. But as we grow up, it's important that we make some of these decisions ourselves because we understand our own bodies more than anyone else will ever be able to. It's okay to get upset sometimes when you can't do something. We all have and we all will. Because it's hard. It's hard to watch everyone else succeed at a task you can barely try. But because of my BPI, I am unique and I am strong, and I refuse to ever forget that.

My Background

Just to start off, I guess I should tell you a little bit about myself and how my BPI has changed my life.

I am the youngest child, my mom already had my older brother and sister before I came along. She wasn't new to difficult births. With an emergency C-section for my sister and a broken collarbone from my brother, I'm sure she wasn't surprised when I wasn't coming easily either. What was surprising, though, was the major effect it would have on my life; that part was different than my brother and sister. When my entire body had made it into the world besides my left arm, my doctor thought it would be a good idea to just yank and pull until that last bit of me had made it too. What he didn't know is that he would tear a nerve in my left shoulder, leaving me with an injury that would change my life forever.

Before I was even in daycare, I was already adjusting to living with a left arm that couldn't fully function. When normal kids were crawling, I was scooting around on my butt, unable to hold my body up with my arm. I went to physical therapy often and doctors only told me what I would never be able to do. No monkey bars, no baseball/softball, in fact, no sports at all that involved any arm strength. But I was too young to let these predictions change how I wanted to live.

When elementary school came around, I quickly became the monkey bar champion in my grade. As soon as I was old enough, I was playing T-ball with all the boys. Me and the only other girl on the team not only kept the boys in line, but we were also huge contributors to our team's success (which, you know, at 5 years old, was a big deal). After that, I began playing softball with girls for a change. My skills started to matter a little bit more and I had to work that much harder to keep up with everyone else when basic softball functions like putting my arm up to catch the ball or turning it over to field a ground ball weren't very possible, let alone easy for me. But I learned to compensate and adjust myself so it could work and I started playing pretty much every position on the field.

There are many basic things that I'm sure anyone who has grown up or is growing up with a BPI can relate to because the exact same things are asked and observed of us all. When I played soccer, people would often ask me why my left arm looked so funny cause it didn't move. Then there are the explanations you have to give when people ask you to put your arms over your head or turn them over for various reasons. And even the adjustments we make every day for simple things that everyone else takes for granted. Most of them I don't even notice anymore.

Anyways, I had a tendon-transfer surgery when I was 5. It definitely improved my range of motion but my shoulder is still very affected by this injury. I can't turn my hand all the way over, straighten my arm all the way, lift it all the way up, and it doesn't have strength anywhere near my right arm, among many other things.

Today, I don't go to physical therapy anymore but I do many things to help my arm and keep it from giving me further problems when I'm older. I get special massages on my shoulder, I do stretches every day (or my mom stretches me), and I'm even looking into further surgeries that might help me.

Overall, it has been a challenge to overcome and work around my BPI but I know it makes me a unique and stronger person and I hope you all feel the same way. In the end we need to stop trying to avoid our injuries but embrace them instead to make us those amazing people we were born to be :)