Explaining

When you meet anyone, there always comes the time when something happens that forces you to explain what's up with your arm. Sometimes it's literally how you meet them if that's the first thing they notice and ask you. With other people it can take months or even years, depending on the extent of your injury. I've had friends I've known since elementary school all of a sudden be like "....what?" Usually I just laugh in those situations, surprised it took so long for such a big part of my life to come up. But depending on how you know the person and what you do together and how much time you spend together, it might take a very long time to come up. And that's just fine. In fact, sometimes it's great when someone just sees me as a whole, normal body. Then again, it's kinda refreshing to start off a relationship with someone by just getting that out there so the awkward "How come you never told me?!" doesn't occur.

No matter what, it usually comes up somehow. For me, people notice my scar from surgery or they ask me to do something that's not exactly possible with my brachial plexus injury like flip over my hand or raise my arm above my head. In sports, people would always notice cause I used to run with my arm just glued to my side like it was in a sling. Sometimes I saw the inevitable question coming from a million miles away and I'd explain before they could even form the question. Others, I wouldn't even notice that it had suddenly become obvious and the question would catch me by surprise. Still, it's never exactly a shocking question when you've heard it hundreds of times: "What's wrong with your arm...?"

Then comes the question in your head about how to respond. It's become an instantaneous reaction for me, barely even a conscious thought. Of course, I don't always say the same thing depending on the person and the situation but even that decision has become instantaneous. It's like how you don't talk to your parents the same way you talk to your friends, it's not a conscious decision you make every time you open your mouth, it's pretty natural. My response can range from "It's a long story" to "I have a shoulder injury from when I was born" to "A nerve ripped in my shoulder when..." and go through the whole scientific story and how it happened when I was born and everything. I'm not gonna say the same thing to the girl on my soccer team who asks in the middle of the game as I do to my best friend.

I'm usually pretty open about explaining my brachial plexus injury but you don't have to be. You have no obligation to explain it to anyone. No matter what, it doesn't dictate who you are or the relationships you have with people. You decide the story you tell and how much you tell, but in my experience, I think it's always good to just be honest and get it all out in a way that isn't confusing for the other person but so that it tells enough to explain. And it's been my experience that if you say it confidently and brush it off, they often don't bring it up again or ask many more questions. That's how I like it to be but when you are presented with the opportunity to explain your brachial plexus injury, choose your words wisely based on what you want that person to understand. It's always your choice and remember that when someone asks, they're just genuinely curious like you are when you simply ask how your cousin broke his leg.