My Biggest Regret

A couple weeks ago I said I couldn't think of a regret regarding the way I grew up with my brachial plexus injury. But I think I've figured it out now. I can't pinpoint the exact time or an exact moment because I was young and it was a certain gradual process that I regret so I guess that's why I couldn't think of anything before. But, my big regret is allowing myself to slowly use my left arm less and less.

After I stopped going to physical therapy, I got to a point where I didn't see why I should keep trying to do everything normally because it didn't feel possible most of the time. I was tired of being disappointed in my inability to use my left arm in most situations so I just stopped paying attention to it. I don't wish I'd kept going to physical therapy or that someone was always reminding me to eat with my left arm or stretch my left arm because I probably would have just come to resent it even more but I do wish that I myself hadn't given up. I stopped trying because it felt impossible and I've always thought that was the stupidest way to live life. How do you know something's impossible if you don't try? And why stop doing something you want or something that's good for you?

I don't think I gave up on purpose. I don't remember ever making a conscious decision to try and just forget about my left arm and do everything I could with my right one but subconsciously over time I gave up. I was afraid of failure and all that and that's my biggest regret. Because if I hadn't given up on it, if I had kept trying to use my arms like any normal person, I think I would be more comfortable with my left arm and it would be in better shape. 

When I did my two week project of trying to use my left arm more, I was embarrassed and uncomfortable all over again. I felt like a little girl trying to learn how to use her arm properly and I hated it. It was like I was back in elementary school attempting to be normal. If I had stuck with it when I was younger, maybe I wouldn't be going through it once again. It's strange to look back and wonder how different I would be if I had kept my life revolved around my arm. In a way, I definitely grew as a person on my own because I kind of left it behind. I didn't let it hold me back because doing everything with my brachial plexus injury in mind was not only draining, but limiting. So maybe I don't regret it. But I'll never know how things could've ended up if I had stuck with it. I just have to hope that none of you give up on yourselves because you think something is impossible. If something is important to you, you have to try! To be fair, sometimes you don't realize that something's important until much later like I am right now so that makes things complicated. Either way, you'll turn out fine as I would have and as I did :)